evan, lindsay, nina, elena and esther

She doesn't roll yet, but she can DANCE!



The video shows some of her moves. The happiness of this baby girl.... just stay little, Elena, just stay little and perfect and innocent. Don't get me wrong, I'd love for her to start talking like Nina. And running around in little girl underwear all day long. There's something so great about Elena's age (almost 8 months!). It's too good to be true. But it is true.

Also, you can see Grandma Fay in the video. It was on last Tuesday which was two days before she passed away. We were listening to Irish music, getting ready for St Patty's Day.

AND see some pictures from a recent outing to St Edwards Park a couple of weeks back with the Stouts. Fun times!

That is the same guy in all the pictures. As a baby, and then as a man. haha It's pretty wild. I love it.

The photographer took old pictures and re-took them with the same people, composition, lighting, wardrobe, and setting. Why am I posting this picture? I will tell you

I feel like I am being instructed at this time to notice the wonder of the stages of life. Revealing to me again (for which I am soo grateful because it brings me so much peace and joy when I get the privilege) the wonder of God's loving hand. Which is always there even if I don't notice it. And when I do I'm sure I only notice the smallest part of it.

The picture above says this part of it - each of us maintain pieces of our young selves as we grow. There are bits of that baby left in the man in the pictures above. Also, we inherit and carry traits from each other through life. People get old while other new people come. The old and young cross paths, casually pass a high five of traits, and then say goodbye to each other. What if they could visit themselves or each other at different stages of life?

I'm grateful for the assurance that we all will see each other again. Maybe not in the trippy way illustrated by these pictures, but in the next life, definitely.

The majesty of that truth could not have been shown to me in a more beautiful way than in the last six months, as I've watched a deep love and trust grow between my two sweet girls and their even sweeter, ever present great grandma Fay. She had her spot on the couch. She had her spot at the table. Grandma Searle - Fay (Nina's namesake - Nina Fay) had one of the upstairs rooms. She turned ninety just recently. She suffered from diabetes, among other elderly challenges. Nina and Elena were grandma's happiest part of her day, aside from watching sports with my dad. When nothing else could, a little kiss or a hug from Nina or a the cutest bouncing baby smiling would make her smile and laugh.

Grandma Fay passed away last night, two or three minutes after Nina gave her the routine good night kiss. Several times in the day Elena grinned wildly at her even while grandma lay unaware on her bed. They gave her so much love.

In the last week or two, I've heard grandma say repeatedly how grateful she is for the girls. She's thanked me time and again for their loving her. She talked about them constantly when she left the house to go anywhere. I think they were a gift from God to her and vice versa before she finished her life here.

Nina has dealt with absence before in her simple baby girl way. Leaving Rexburg was a big loss for her which she has quickly forgotten a lot of. It's not only the loss that makes me sad, but watching her forget what she's lost. Evan and I carry the memory of it. We bear the burden of trying to make grandma's legacy stick in their lives somehow. It makes me so sad that she won't remember most of this golden time with her great grandma. Even though it was every day of the last six months. Six months being 1/4 of Nina's life at this point, and almost all of Elena's.

Then again, it was just a short 90 years ago that Grandma Fay was born. Maybe her mom felt the same way as she pondered the unknown future of her own daughter and tried to hold onto transient memories and people. Before we know it it'll be someone else's turn to be touched by another person.

Above all, I know we'll all see each other again. And I really do believe that just from these six months, Nina and Elena both carry a part of their great grandma within them. We are each others greatest gifts from God.

I hope I am changed from this experience, and that it helps me to be a better parent. This experience was made possible also by my parents. They took care of Grandma Fay so she could live at home with us. They let us be a part of their home again.